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Why I cancelled Thanksgiving

Why I cancelled Thanksgiving
Alice Bracegirdle 21 October 2015 Internal | Blog 16

I adore hosting! I just adore it!!!  The matching napkins, fancy candles, getting all dressed up!
Bring it on...I’m IN! 

I live in a beautiful 3800 square foot home with 2 large guest rooms, a big kitchen and dining area just perfect for parties and a huge fireplace surrounded by overstuffed couches that creates the coziest, most welcoming vibe you could imagine. And since this home also doubles as Bellyfit® Headquarters, there's even a large studio that doubles as a wicked dance floor when we really wanna get wild! 

In short, when I feel like having folks over for any kind of gathering, small and intimate or shoulder to shoulder, I’m all set up and I go for it, especially when there's something as special as Thanksgiving (one of my fave holidays) to celebrate! (I’ve got lots to be grateful for!)

This year was a different story. I kinda lost my s#@t.

With 4 different families (all whom I adore!) making big plans to join us for the weekend (yes, the guest rooms would have been full!), I started to feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety and stress. I was feeling tired and uneasy about the amount of work ahead (as any Domestic Goddess knows, the beds don’t make themselves and the fridge doesn’t fill itself!) and generally pretty frazzled from a very busy couple months of work, ie: international expansion, mentorship of new Bellyfit® Trainees and new product development. Phew!

The first time I considered cancelling the whole weekend, a wave of relief washed over me which was quickly followed by an even bigger wave of guilt and shame! 

Cancel Thanksgiving? Good Goddess! Who does that?

But as hard as I tried, the feelings of anxiety and overwhelm just wouldn’t leave me, and eventually through a flood of tears, with the big weekend less than a week away, I confessed to my husband and begged him to please let his family know...with sincere regrets, we would not be hosting this year. Gulp.

Understandably, he had resistance at first, but as any loving husband would do, he witnessed my rawness and sincere need for some serious down time...and he graciously and lovingly conceded to my wishes. (Ya, he’s a keeper on all levels!)

Within minutes of him sending out the cancellation emails, I felt infinitely better as a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.  Naturally our lovely guests were all more than understanding, and no harm was done. Phew!

Listening to my inner voice (Intuition rocks!), honouring my body’s limitations, being gentle and kind to myself and asking for what I need are all things I have been ‘working on’ for many years, and yet, the voice of guilt and shame was still loud and clear when I thought about how I would be perceived by those around me. Ugh! 

Fortunately, my ego was not as loud as my body and soul.
There is something to be said for being over 40 and learning not to give a damn!

Now that I’m on the other side, having spent a deliciously relaxing weekend with my beloved man and my sweet baby girl (OK, she’s 14, but she’ll always be my ‘sweet baby girl’!) walking our puppy on the beach, snuggling by the fire, watching movies, reading magazines and baking apple pies (with no stress!), I cannot imagine having done anything else. And in the end, we did keep our weekly Sunday dinner date with my Dad who was more than happy to enjoy my homemade pie and cranberry sauce;)

With the wisdom from this successful little foray under my belt, I feel even more empowered to be true to myself despite what my inner critic might be screaming, and I know that although self-preservation may not be the most glamorous, Instagram worthy of pursuits, it is the unsung hero of a body well loved and a life well lived. Now THAT’S something to be grateful for, every day! 

I’m grateful to YOU for reading all the way to the end and I hope you too are committing to self preservation on all levels...because at the end of the day, you at your best is as sexy and gorgeous as it gets! 

Love & Gratitude,

Alice

XO

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16
4:43 am 06.05.2019
Rustom Morillo

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16
3:22 pm 08.01.2017
Stephanie

People are so unkind. I walked away from my own business for several years because I’d stressed myself into illness and exhaustion. Guess who suffers when you have nothing left to give? I inconvenienced and possibly disappointed people, but I was a breath away from a nervous breakdown. You know what happened when I quit? People made other arrangements, and the world kept turning. When I was ready to come back, they welcomed me. Now, I try to remember that lesson, and don’t push myself that close to my limits anymore.

16
3:31 pm 23.02.2016
Alice Bracegirdle

Thanks Tim:)

16
2:37 pm 22.02.2016
name

Wow…how could anyone call you selfish for cancelling an event that you knew was overwhelming you…to those who criticized Alice….take a look at your self and be kind….Tim

16
3:04 am 11.11.2015
John

I would not have chosen “pretentious”

16
8:46 pm 10.11.2015
Christy Greenwood

I feel that using the terms “b#tch”, “pretentious” and “selfish jerk” are an over the top use of language for an article stating the unease, shame and guilt you felt as you courageously stood up for your health and cancelled the dinner. Whenever anyone has to cancel on me for reasons of needing down time for sanity, I honour their decision because I understand that life can be overwhelming and people need to change their plans occasionally.
I would never expect anyone to make dinner for me if it is totally upstream and stressful for them. That’s ludicrous and not good for anyone. This is 2015 right?
I honour people’s needs to listen to themselves no matter what commitments are being made. Each of us must commit to our health….FIRST. I know when I am more in my centre, I am able to give so freely and generously, in a truly authentic way to my family, friends and community. Those I love respect my needs for self care as I do for them. That’s called looking out for each other. We support each other when any of us has to make a challenging decision and don’t take it personally when plans need to change for valid reasons such as self care. Self care is not selfish. Isn’t this the conditioning we are choosing to dissolve in this modern day?
There is an epidemic of breast cancer in this culture from women martyring their lives away doing what everyone expects. It takes courage to cancel something like that. I honour your decision to take care of your needs and rest up for those times when you are more ready to open your home to more guests at the right time for you. ♥︎

 

16
3:44 pm 10.11.2015
Guest

I hate to be negative, but this articles IS very self-centered.  It takes this new societal awareness of “put yourself first” and makes it into “be selfish at the expense of others”.  It seems to be happening all the time.  Honouring yourself is becoming “it’s OK to be a b#tch” and this post is a huge testament to that.

While Guest is rather rude, he or she isn’t that far off the mark.  I could overlook the slightly braggy aspects of it and even say it’s lovely to see someone proud of their achievements. 

But the rest of it? 

My first reaction when reading this article is how inconsiderate it was to cancel overnight guests one week before a holiday…and to do it by EMAIL!

The second was how irked I would be if someone cancelled a big holiday plan with no other excuse than “I’ve been really busy and didn’t feel like it less than 7 days ahead..  You committed to something and people were counting on you.  It’d be bad enough to cancel an everyday weekend get together so last minute, but this is a holiday everyone looks forward to.  I would be so disappointed!)

I am 100% for doing what you need to do to honour yourself and what’s best for you.  But you also need to honour your commitments to others.  Your integrity as a friend and family member should be higher up there on the scale of what’s important to you than putting in a bit of extra work and following through with a promise for 48 hours.  If you were feeling overwhelmed,, you could have asked for help or changed the game plan to “potluck dinner and delivery pizza”. 

Sorry to rant, but I think the pendulum is swinging a bit too far from the “be everything to everyone” woman to the “selfish jerk”.

16
1:17 pm 26.10.2015
Alice Bracegirdle

Hey “Guest”!
Your anonymous comment hurts, but I guess haters gonna hate;)

To everyone else ~ thank you for the love and for understanding why I chose to share this story.

Love and more love.
smile

16
10:43 pm 24.10.2015
Guest

this is the most pretentious, self centered thing I have ever read.

16
3:32 am 24.10.2015
Lauren

Alice, reading this I laughed and totally relate on every level. Being a Chef for 21 years your always asked to cook the bird and bake the pies!! Then you always get the few in the family who freak out because they brought something (which I’m always thankful for) and then omg your a Chef my food must be terrible!! But it’s not about the food it’s about deciding to be with the people you love most weather it’s the whole family or just your husband and daughter. Kudos to you for listening to your intuition!! I just had a reading done a few weeks ago, and she told me my intuition is so strong but I choose to ignore it. Since that day, I make it a point to listen and i have found it never let’s me down!!!! I’m glad you had a nice holiday and spent it just how you wanted.

16
7:04 am 22.10.2015
Janette Lowry

Thank you so much Alice for opening yourself up to us!  It’s wonderful to know that we all feel the same sometimes.  I have learned by sharing somethings with my students when they ask, is letting them know that we all share the same feelings and that it is a safe enviornment to discuss issues. 
Thanks for all you do!
Big Hugs!!!

16
12:13 am 22.10.2015
Allison Schulte

I know these feeling SO well! The relief followed by the wave of shame then realizing finally, that you’ve made the right choice for yourself. Good job wink

16
9:30 pm 21.10.2015
Lia

Thanks for sharing that Alice.  I totally know how that all feels.  Glad that you had a lovely weekend and gave yourself a Thanks-giving, by honoring how you were feeling. Cheers!!!

16
8:15 pm 21.10.2015
Louise

Is’nt that we teach in Bellyfit@ classes, to respect our level, to reach only as far as we can, to do the class together, but for eachother needs, wishes and aspiration! And than we bring all this wisdom at home. Bravo do respect yourself, to be grateful for it and to share this with us as a reminder to be ourself and that we are enough! Xxx

16
4:10 pm 21.10.2015
Barb

I am thrilled to hear that you let yourself off the hook!!  I am looking forward to forming a community where we have a communal/potluck type Thanksgiving, rather than a person or two spending FAR too much time in the kitchen. Glad you got to have downtime.

16
2:54 pm 21.10.2015
Kaia

I freakin LOVE you, Alice!